Reflections on the I Ching [2]

Hexagram 29 ; The Abysmal

Hexagram 29 consists of a repetition of the trigrams for Water.

The reading is ‘maintain a sincere heart’. If you ‘focus on success, you will succeed’.

The interpretation (or the fortune cast) based on it:

In this fortune, the most important point is the intersection of the two trigrams. This mid-point is fraught. The third from bottom line (all fortunes are read bottom to top) reveals a place where the line indicates the situation is dire; ‘forward and backward, Abyss on Abyss’. You have the same danger, both ahead and behind. The advice is to pause and wait, to invite reflection. Otherwise the danger is clear ‘you will fall into a pit in the Abyss — do not act in this way’.

The next line is the first of the top trigram, fourth from the bottom. Here are simple goods, ‘a jug of wine, a bowl of rice’. Presented in a way that embraces sincerity, ‘Earthen vessels simply handed in through the window’. Pausing and avoiding a complicated life and an ostentatious show of consumption is to remain focused. And the sight of your goal is not lost. It concludes ‘there is no blame in this’. The path to be followed is a path that won’t be judged.

Twenty years ago, this was my situation. I had stepped away from a life that was slowly killing me. If I had goals or a path it was impossible to discern that in the morass that was sucking me under. It wasn’t an act of clarity that pushed me to make that move, it was despair and hurt. I couldn’t see a future for myself anymore. The path, the water’s uninterrupted flow, was now into a place that was dark and destructive.

But at the same time as moving on, another dire situation was encountered. I was alone, without a home, friendless. I could easily fall into another trap of making that inner pain the only driving force I had. It could be even more destructive and harmful to those who cared about me. I really teetered on the brink of another abyss. I risked just exchanging one dark place for another, with even worse outcomes. I stopped. Paused. Reflected.

Just as it had taken a long time to reach this point, it would be taking a long time to emerge from it. I lived literally day to day. I had no plans except making sure that the day passed without a crisis. At the time I did not know it would be months until I could even rest in a place I could safely call my own. And a lot longer until I had a semblance of what would become ‘normal’ again. Years.

First I had to make a place safe for me, then one safe for the others in my life. This was the pause. To find out the direction the water was taking in seeking out the end again. To hold fast and find simpler ways of existing (and they were simple, for a while a massive treat was a single serve frozen pasta dish for dinner). To strengthen the trust with my children. To apply myself to work and find solace in reading by myself (another cheap past-time via the library). To know that each long train trip to work or see my children was really another step away from the abyss.

Those steps became surer and more directed. It was a long time, but it was directed and successful. I’d lost sight of what should have been important and central to my life. Now the path the water took snaked back to a place where I could let go of that consuming anger, that crippling anxiety. I hadn’t arrived, but I was certain that the destination would never be lost again.

Notes: I have used the translation of the I Ching published by Wilhelm. Images used are from a single one attributed to Cindy Tang [ https://unsplash.com/@tangcindy ]. The lyrics are from Steely Dan, ‘Night by Night’ from the album 1975 ‘Katy Lied’.